In this world full of ' my heart skips a beat', how would a modern Jane dump a Ninja?

To My Dearest Friend,

I wouldn’t have written this anyway better without the knowledge of truth and grace.

I love you.

I meant it. But, please don’t take it in a way, everyone supposed it to be. I love you. My love for you is not fanatical, superficial nor selfish, I’m afraid that my love for you is romantically inclined but with a sigh, it’s not. It is not romantic nor destructive, nor do I love you with all of my emotions. I guess this is ought to be, this is the way it is supposed to be. If I love you that way, I am sure that I don’t really love you at all. For if I love you like that, I’m afraid that I only love myself. It is not God’s.

I love you with all the truth. Do you know that love rejoices with the truth? That is what the Bible says. It rejoices in the fact, that I love God more than I love you that His love means everything more than my love for you. It’s the love that enables me to avoid anything that would harm us. That is, I am not expecting myself, to be the stumbling block for you, but the one who will honor you in purity and see you as my dearly brother who has also called by God to walk in holiness and grace. But I will always stay in my place, even, supporting you up if ever you accept God's will to your life. I want you to see me the way God looks to His children, with dignity and honor, a sister and a friend because that is what I’m striving to look on you too ----- a man, who is dearly loved by Him. It takes the Spirit to change the way we see, even to produce the best fruit, but to God be the glory ---- always and forever.

I’m afraid that it is a lot more than I expected. What I mean is, that to love me, it would take so much war against yourself, against the flesh, against the lust and lies and even against to what the world believes. It takes a blow on the body for someone who competes in race to win the prize. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? That to love someone patiently, with all kindness and sacrifice means a lot. Knowing God would liberate us from all deteriorating love we know. Knowing Him first personally is the priority of our hearts. Isn’t that joy? Would it give you peace? Oh how joyful I am to say it to you! So, I’m here to turn you down yet to lift you up. I’m here to speak the truth and love to you my friend. I hope that you will join me in this quest. I hope that you will join me in the course of this suffering for joy would eventually come in the morning.

There is a confidence in the truth that God is willing to help the hearts of those who would choose to love Him above all things, my friend.

There was this young man who chose obedience over sacrifice. For him, knowing His Savior and growing in the knowledge of Him is worth his life living. His name was Paul. His once calloused heart was turned into a soft pillow by God Himself. He filled him with joy as he obeyed Him, he learned that in obedience there is joy and life. Nothing was important to him except knowing God Himself. Even so, he died and lived for Him alone. Did the very thought amaze you? Did it mean everything? That even sacrificing for not having someone to be with, had kept him enough even till death? What’s his treasure that caused him to consider everything as loss? I want to know. I want also you to know.

I’m getting the idea that it give us the choice to not pursue this disturbing feeling inside for a while, because there is this reality that there is so much need to know! There is more feelings to feel than this! There is truth to believe in this than to wonder the feeling of comfort of being in love! That if perfect gift comes from above, would it also fall down at a perfect time? If there’s a chance that we still might bump to be together someday, how could we not thank Him for what He has done? He deserves more than praise from rescuing us from ourselves!

As a young woman, all I only have now is the opportunity to give my life to Him, to love Him and to worship Him. So it’s not you. It’s Him. I still love you, with brotherly affection, but even if you will not agree with me, I would still be praying that one day, you will understand the truth. The truth that would liberate you from that sinking feeling of disappointment. The truth that would set you free. The truth that would open your heart to many possibilities of loving people, truly and purely. The truth that would help you to love them even more, like considering every woman you see in your church, school and family as your friend and not just your playmate in the game of love, stealing their hearts that is not meant for you in the very first place. But always, remember, that God loves you more than a thousand folds.

Whether you choose marriage or singleness, both requires a lot of training spiritually. Each requires perseverance, courage and humility to choose purity. It takes repentance and asking for forgiveness of sins. But take heart my friend! God is the Creator of all things that means He is powerful, He knows your weakness for He made you. Turn to Him, turn to His words, He will give you joy in perseverance as you work hard. And whatever you choose I would always be here commending you with a sisterly love.

If so, please pray also for me, for I have the same battle. I have to let the Spirit to win always and not causing him grief!

Someday, God willing, if we are really for each other, how would I not thank God for that? From writing this time, I’m thanking Him because He is teaching us to love Him first. He is teaching us not to worship something that is only a mere creation of Him. He has never fail to save us from this feeling who wants the emotion but never willing to pay the price for it. God---He is the only One who could satisfy my craving for eternity, who really meant the word "forever."

So, don’t wear your heart out. I believe that I love you now, more than ever. Again, not in a romantic way, not letting you chasing the thought wondering, if there’s a chance, but, as my brother, purchased by the blood of Christ who has called from darkness into Light --- and a friend, who would support me with my walk with God, as I support you too.

He loves you enough to break your heart sometimes. He knows what you need. Trust Him.

He knows.

Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water through the Word. God will build you up, until you become a man who could love like this. But for now, He is tenderly breaking your heart.

And oh, how tender is His love?

Yours in Christ,

Althea Austen